


The Forever Unreceived Letter by A.Ham

by youarenotinWonderland



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-11
Updated: 2018-06-11
Packaged: 2019-05-21 00:35:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14905166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youarenotinWonderland/pseuds/youarenotinWonderland
Summary: Hamilton wrote a letter to a person who would never have the opportunity to receive. It was not merely heartbroken but a catastrophic love forever buried with the dust of history.





	The Forever Unreceived Letter by A.Ham

Dear Laurens,

The thoughts of you keep consuming me whenever I pick up a quill but always feel unprepared to write down any words. Being the witness of a brand-new nation is a typical phenomenon among our generation, though your absence to me was unimaginable and unpardonable. The blame was on mine.

In the darkness I light up the room and stare at the candles for a while, trying unavailingly to escape from the deadly silence and solitude: those vivid images and scenarios of our first encounter all start to fade away but there’s nothing I can do about them. Once I asked for god but that was a long time ago. After receiving no response from our holy father, I turned to write for help: in the spans of six months, I finished fifty-one essays along with James Madison and John Jay as the strong defense to our new US Constitutions. However, there was nothing except for the severe wounds caused by your unexpected death on my anguished heart. 

My soul is trapped by a dilemma named John Laurens. Maybe I should never write down this name again for it always breaks me in the cruelest way. When can I stop lying to myself under the name of relentless working? I guess no one would offer me an answer except for you. But you never would. 

Life is a circle. You showed up in the most beautiful way and strike me with speechless charm and merits. Then the circle was broken. My sensitive love for you blinded me. It was a triumph of my emotions over reasons. Still, I lost my most important battle in my life. My friend, my ally, my love. 

Knowing that you would never receive this letter, no matter after 18 years or 180 years. You were long gone, and the sorrow left for me to endure was as heavy as the price of eternity. The world is under my feet while the greatest country ever in history is under my quill. My vision becomes blurring and the paper is wet out by tears. 

My love shall last for you as time continues to last. There’s no mean to pause, even to the moon and back. 

Always and forever yours,

A.Ham

**Author's Note:**

> (This happened long after Laurens' death.) I try to make it as a kind of self-reflection of Hamilton and his later career on politics, etc. Hope you would like it and feel free to leave any comment:)


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